Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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