After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You ate ashes out of my bong
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
