yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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