When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
