We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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