He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize