How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
