While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
