i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
