I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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