these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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