I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
