Kiss
Puke
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
