So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
