I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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