College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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