HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
