the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
