So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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