id be glad to
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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