I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I died a long time ago.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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