Where did you get a picture of my penis
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
