I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
