Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
