my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
