mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
