so explain again why im purple
no
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
