I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The power of my boobs compel you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
