hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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