And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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