so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
