bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
