Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
