My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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