break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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