Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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