I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
