I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
