too bad you live with your parents still
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
