Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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