Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
