It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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