The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
