dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
