I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
