if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i now understand why vodka
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
