Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
