fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize