wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
