I'm really into asian looking animals
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
