i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
