he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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