Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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