True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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