Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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