he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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