Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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