Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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