That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
