Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
