We won't sleep together?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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