why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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