Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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