There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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