Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
