White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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