we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ketchup is God's man juice
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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