If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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