Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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