ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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