i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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