Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
