at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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