peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
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Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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