3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
