...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Someone came in the potted fern
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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