I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pappa wants mamma naked
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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