You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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