so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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