He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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