..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
