the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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