So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
